Courage beyond heroism

I noted Pam Spaulding's lament that in the Steubenville rape case no attention was paid to the young victim, the woman who was raped. Terrence Heath adds that is because her name is protected by the court, and rightly so. But without an actual person telling her story she can be (and was) invisible. Thus the only ones the media talk about are the perpetrators. Heath says that is a lack of moral imagination.

Heath goes on to say rape is never a simple "mistake" that an otherwise good person does. The crime starts with objectifying women, making her out to be a thing that the man can do anything with.

But before the crime is the boy code, and Alpha Male Masculinity. The boy code is unwritten, but fierce. It is in the bulging muscles of action figures, the objectification lyrics of rap music. It requires showing no fear, of vanquishing an enemy instead of reconciliation, of strength and heroism, of entitlement. It must be regularly proven through belittling women and gays. It requires declaring superiority over everything that isn't straight and male.

There are ways to counteract the boy code, but adults, especially parents, must start young.

Be models of courage that go beyond simplistically heroic. Use discipline that is clear and consistent, but not harsh, to build a conscience, not enemies. Be models of emotional male-male friendship that go beyond competition. Show there are many ways to be a man, to be brave, to use their energy, creativity, and boldness.