Smoothing the way

I attended another memorial service this morning, this one for a member of my church.

Back in 2014 I posted to my brother blog about a new lesbian pastor at my church. That post includes pictures. Sue, the wife of this pastor, is the one who died. In that earlier post I described her as a partner. However, they did get married in 2011 in New York state. So the correct term is wife.

Since I got to know Julie and Sue in 2014 Sue has been battling ovarian cancer. Last fall the doctors ran out of options and this winter Sue entered hospice.

I’m familiar with pink ribbons for breast cancer. I’ve also learned that black ribbons are for melanoma, the skin cancer my mother had back in her 50s. The color for ovarian cancer is teal. So Julie and Sue’s family wore teal, her brothers sporting matching teal ties. I didn’t get the memo, but happened to wear my sweater that is closest to teal.

Pastor Jeff (also in the post’s pictures) had moved on to another church and came back for the eulogy, which was wonderfully funny and touching – and gay. He told an important story. I think at about the time Julie and Sue were married, Julie decided she was done with churches. She was tired of being hurt by them. But Sue said she had heard about this church with a welcoming reputation and convinced Julie to give it a try. During two visits they felt welcome. So after the second visit they went to Pastor Jeff, actually took him out to lunch. Julie said, I’ve enjoyed the two visits. But this is who we are. I don’t want to get involved if I’m going to be hurt again. Will we continue to be safe and welcome? Pastor Jeff said this was a big moment for him and the church. We had been talking the talk. Now we were being asked to put our money where our mouth is. He and the church did. Sue and Julie became prominent members. Pastor Jeff said that smoothed the way for other LGBT people. He named a few – including me.

On the back of the service bulletin Julie shared a few words about their love for each other. Julie said I wish for you to rest in peace, but I know you think peace is boring. So I wish for you to rest in excitement and wonder.

Julie and Sue helped me get through the passing of my father, mostly by just listening and offering hugs. Thank you, Julie. Thank you, Sue.