The message you sent got jumbled along the way

I've seen John Corvino discuss and debate gay issues. He teaches ethics at Wayne State University and has made a name for himself as the Gay Moralist. I've heard a lot about Maggie Gallagher, a driving force behind National Organization for Marriage and their victory over gays in the Maine marriage vote. I was surprised to learn that Gallagher no only knows Corvino, but understands that Corvino and his partner are in love. Which makes me wonder what drives her.

Corvino and Gallagher will write a book together in which each will give their side of the gay marriage debate their best shot and each will offer a rebuttal of the other.

As a prelude to the book, Gallagher participated in Corvino's ethics class by audio link. He wrote an essay about what happened. He wanted her to explain to his class why gays should not be allowed to marry. Gays are icky? No. Gays will kidnap kids? No -- she even thinks gays should be allowed to adopt. A church thing? She doesn't say. How does gay marriage undermine straight marriage?

Gallagher says children need mothers and fathers, preferably their biological parents. I'll object to her premise, though Corvino lets it ride. Kids do better with two parents and the studies that examine that issue never included gay couples.

But to continue with her analysis. Since kids need a mom and a dad society promotes marriage as a way to bind the family together. I'll object again. Society promotes marriage for a whole host of reasons, the welfare of the kids being only one of them. And if this were the reason society would provide parents with a whole lot more assistance to make that bind work.

Gallagher concludes her argument with this nugget. If we allow gays to marry and a kid may have two mothers or two fathers then it is no longer possible to sustain the argument that kids need a mom and a dad. The claim would seem bigoted. (Well, yeah, it would.) So to maintain the clarity of the message Gallagher says we must deny marriage to gays.

My response is: Oh honey, that's your best shot? That's it? That was your flimsy excuse to raise millions of dollars and spout all kinds of lies, while keeping this reason silent, to rouse up the populace of Maine to vote against us? Surely there is something a whole lot deeper than that.

But I'll let Corvino continue. We'll take this message issue seriously. An intact family is much better than a broken one. However, there are perhaps 1001 better ways to get that message across than to deny marriage to gays.

Messages matter. And Gallagher's message destroys a few others that are mighty important to hear, such as: Sometimes people marry for love and don't have children. People marry for better or worse, until parted by death. Just as important: families made up of adoptive kids, step-parents, single parents, and gay parents also need society's support. Gallagher's message also says to step, single, and gay parents, "You're family isn't real."

Marriage does send a message. So does it's denial.