Win back the hearts and minds

Though opinion is turning in our favor, we haven't won yet. This is one reason: Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky doesn't want the Supremes to rule on the Calif. marriage equality case. He wants it to remain a state issue.

If we're to say each state can decide, I think a good 25, 30 states still do believe in traditional marriage, and maybe we allow that debate to go on for another couple of decades and see if we can still win back the hearts and minds of people.

I don't think he reads -- or doesn't trust -- the trends in polls that Nate Silver sees.


In contrast…

This week's episode of On Being looks at the gay marriage debate. It is actually a rebroadcast of an episode from last summer, this appearance because of the cases before the Supremes. The show is a discussion between Krista Tippett, the host, Jonathan Rauch, marriage equality advocate, and David Blankenhorn, marriage advocate.

Blankenhorn noticed the importance of men in families, especially poor families. He began to advocate for stronger marriages. At first he thought the issue of gay marriage was a distraction from the real issue. Then he met and teamed up with Rauch.

Rauch, who is gay, also comes from the marriage advocate side. He recognized at a very young age that marriage would be unavailable to him and wanted to figure out why marriage is so important. What is this institution we call marriage? He found it is both love between the couple and a commitment by the couple with each other and with the wider community, and also a commitment by the community with the couple.

Blankenhorn noticed something. Straight couples were fleeing the institution of marriage and gay couples were clamoring to be allowed in. Perhaps gay couples could show straights a better way to be married and to show the importance of the institution.

A part of the discussion is the hope of a new way to look at divisive issues. To tackle them both sides must devote the effort required to understand the other's point of view. The discussion must be done without trying to score debate points or attacking the opponent as a substitute for probing the issue. The result may be that neither side may convert to the other's viewpoint. Even so, a greater goal is achieved -- respect for the other and his view.



Terrence Heath disagrees with Blankenhorn's assertion that a lot of family ills are because of missing fathers. Heath says a lot of family ills are because of poverty. If a guy has a job he can afford to get married.

Heath ponders all this because the Oklahoma House might debate a bill that diverts money from welfare to fund a campaign promoting marriage. Heath says it will fail. Taking money from those who need it most means fewer people will be able to afford to be married.