Manhood is easy to lose

This week on the NPR show Hidden Brain hosted by Shankar Vedantam, discussed sexist stereotypes. The first part of the program was about professional poker player Annie Duke, frequently the only woman in the World Series of Poker Tournament of Champions. She experienced two sides of sexism. First was the blatant sexism directed against her and her own feelings of deserving to be where she was. This included making plays and be afraid that others would say the play was dumb and therefore she played just like a girl. Second was knowing her opponents were going to be sexist and have these stereotyped assumptions about her, and then being able to use that to her advantage.

The last part of the episode was about Robert Vaughn. Growing up without a father he was quite the boy scout. He then went into the Navy. When deciding what college to attend his father-in-law suggested nursing as a profession. But he thought that’s a woman’s job. He went into it anyway. He had to deal with patients who were uncomfortable with a male nurse (though not with a male doctor, hmm...). But many said later he was their best nurse. He said it was because he was more consciously nurturing to overcome the stereotype.

In between the two there was a discussion of gender roles with psychologist Jennifer Boss.

Men avoid professions dominated by women. When I heard that I was sure social hierarchy was behind it. Even when the show said this isn’t misogyny I was sure there was an element of ranking and superiority. The show continued. Men avoid “women’s professions” because they see it as a threat to masculinity. This is how the world restricts the choices of men.

For example, Susie likes Dave and asks Mark whether he thinks Dave is attractive. Susie assures Mark it isn’t about her thinking he is gay. But Mark still says as a man he is incapable of telling whether another man is cute. Susie is astonished at Mark’s statement.

The obvious conclusion is that guys go out of their way to appear macho because of a combination of homophobia and sexism (both symptoms of enforced hierarchy). But Boss has developed a more nuanced view.

She conducted an experiment. She asked men and women to write about a time when they violated gender roles. Women talked big concepts – working in a male dominated field and were made to feel uncomfortable by coworkers. Men talked about wearing a pink shirt to work or holding a girlfriend’s purse for a while or getting a cocktail with an umbrella and being teased – all mundane things.

Why make such a big deal of trivial things?

I was right. It is about hierarchy. Boss says the male gender role is a more precarious status. Manhood is hard to earn and easy to lose. The emotion is fear, defending something that is fragile. Women are allowed to take their femininity for granted and men cannot take their masculinity for granted. Men’s social status is more hierarchically organized than women’s. Men are more motivated to attain social status and end up with a chronic anxiety about their status.

She did a second experiment. One group of men were to braid a mannequin's hair, including adding pink bows. Another group was to braid rope. Both groups are then given a choice of doing a brain puzzle or put on boxing gloves and hit a punching bag. Men who braided hair were much more likely to choose the punching task. They wanted to redeem their loss of masculinity by punching something.

“The societal messages that constrain men have been developed – by men. … Men can be trapped by the gender roles that they themselves have authored.” Men can be stuck in a world that makes no sense to them. The struggle for status that men feel they must participate in – it sucks.