The curse of disbelief

You may have noticed that after Shakesville, the feminist blog that was my primary news source, closed up shop a good deal of the material for these blog postings has shifted to Twitter. And yes, it is possible to explore Twitter without being a member (which is why I don’t quote Facebook posts).

I follow three major Twitter feeds, Sara Kendzior, Leah McElrath, and Andrea Chalupa. I’ve frequently quoted Kendzior (see today’s other post) and I’ve probably quoted the other two. All three are solidly progressive and are quite good at explaining what the nasty guy and the GOP are doing (though McEwan of Shakesville was able to go into more depth). And all three link to interesting articles and retweet interesting ideas from others. All that can get me to some unusual ideas out there on the web.

For example, I followed a link to the blog What A Shrink Thinks, a psychotherapist’s journal written by Martha Crawford, LCSW. The particular post, written a couple years ago is titled, All the Cassandras. Crawford uses the Cassandra myth to discuss why women have such a hard time going after their abuser.

I know what a Cassandra is – a person (usually a woman) who tells the truth, who warns of a coming disaster, and is not believed. McEwan frequently referred to herself as a Cassandra. She clearly saw who the nasty guy has always been and sounded the alarm – and got a great deal of pushback for her efforts.

Crawford uses the example of a brush fire a great distance away and the Cassandra understands it is coming her way. We need to leave now. But the rest of the household dismisses her warnings. Then the fire moves closer and the people in the house must attempt a dangerous escape.

Here’s the core of the Cassandra legend: Cassandra refused the sexual advances of the god Apollo. So he cursed her to prophesy the truth and never be believed. Yes, the core is sexual abuse.

And that curse – telling the truth and not being believed – is what nearly all victims of sexual abuse face. Their abuser holds two things over them, the abuse and the disbelief of others. And the biggest agony of that disbelief…

The Curse of Disbelief is damaging in large part because it disrupts the process of meaning making, blocking Cassandra’s ability to use her injury in service of protecting others. It means that Cassandras cannot warn or insulate others who may also be in harms way. Pending disasters, clear and present dangers cannot be averted.

Cassandras are doomed to watch horrors that could have been stopped, unfold. We must watch, speechless, as the harm and the human toll mounts.

Those who do speak up to sound the alarm risk being crushed – depicted as defiled, liars or insane, and may grant their perpetrators even more power and sadistic pleasure. Who can take the risk, of empowering their abuser and harming themselves further while sparing no one else?

So then how do we support the Cassandras among us?

To hold traumatic reality in consciousness requires a social context that affirms and protects the victim and joins victims and witnesses in common alliance. For the individual victim, this social context is created by relationships with friends, lovers and family. For the larger society, the social context is created by political movements that give voice to the disempowered. ~ Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman, M.D.

It is political movements like #MeToo that toppled abusers such as Harvey Weinstein. Let’s use our voices to be the voice of the disempowered.