Another shock

Back in 2015 my father died.
In 2016 my brother Tim and sister-in-law Karen (Dan’s wife) died.
In 2017 my mother died. So did her sister Ruth.
In 2018 Ruth’s husband Earl died.

During the first Sunday of a new year my church commemorates those who died in the previous year. Thankfully, they allow us to honor who we would like. They don’t restrict the list to church members. I’m one of the people who tolls bells for each name read. Four years in a row I tolled a bell for someone close to me. I was relieved to not toll a bell this year.

Alas, I will toll again next January.

On occasion I’ve mentioned my sister Laney in this blog. That’s not her real name, though it is the pet name her wife Anners uses. Because they’re a lesbian couple in a conservative area she wanted to remain anonymous in my blog.

On Tuesday afternoon Laney said she wasn’t feeling well and went to bed. A bit later she asked Anners to call 911. By the time the ambulance arrived Laney was unresponsive. The EMS team got her heart started and headed to the hospital.

But her brain had been without oxygen too long. I and our other sister were with Anners when the doctor told us the results of the latest tests. Laney’s brain had swollen. The chance of survival is zero. Death likely in hours or days.

Today Anners requested the hospital withdraw life support. Laney died soon after. She was 62.

Laney was the fifth child in a family of six with four older brothers. She frequently complained about feeling like the one left out.

After finishing her bachelor degree she got a Master of Library Science. She worked in a small town library in Wisconsin, then in the suburbs north of Chicago. A few years later she moved back to Michigan in one of the medium size cities in the middle of the state – in the middle of the conservative area of the state.

For Christmas one year I gave Laney a name plaque for her desk. It had her name and title – “Miss Information.” She used it, at least for a while.

Laney met Anners at the library. Anners was a fellow librarian. The first meeting wasn’t anything special. Soon Laney and Anners were living in adjacent apartments. Then they were living in the same apartment. Then they rented a house.

Back in 2003 at a time Laney was between jobs I commented that her roommate was being kind to allow Laney to not contribute to the rent for such a long time. Laney responded, “Um … she’s a lot more than a roommate.” I quickly figured out what she meant. This was the first time I knew she was lesbian – years before she had dated boys. So the next time I was with Laney and Anners I came out.

Before Anners’ mother died her parents bought a house for them, a nice tri-level and worked it such that Anner’s brother (whom she always refers to as “my mother’s son” because he didn’t approve of their relationship) could not take it from them. This was similar to Laney’s difficulties with our brother Tim.

Just after her 50th birthday Laney had a stroke that affected her left side. Perhaps this was caused by her being diabetic since childhood.

In 2015, a couple months after same-sex marriage was legalized across the country Laney and Anners announced they would get married. A niece replied, “Wait… they’re not?” It was a simple ceremony held at a restaurant with a gathering of friends and nearby family.

Because of her stroke and age Laney was having increasing difficulty navigating their tri-level home. So over this past summer they moved into a ranch home that Laney adored, though Anners didn’t. Laney enjoyed it for only seven months.

Laney and Anners didn’t have human children. However, Laney liked wearing a hat proclaiming, “All my children have paws.” We were greeted at the door by three dogs. On occasion I saw a cat or two.

Dear sister, you disappeared way too soon.