Isn't the King James bible conservative enough?

One wonders if some of the loudest Fundies have actually read the bible. It's easy to believe the woman in the pew hasn't because she's been told one must read it correctly, with correct understanding, so perhaps it's best we just tell you what it says. It appears a Fundie or two has read the bible -- and is annoyed with what they find inside. That can be the only reason for The Conservative Bible, a project to purge the bible of liberal bias -- perhaps an inverse of the Jefferson Bible. Wait -- isn't the bible supposedly the inerrant word of God? Gotta get that irony alarm fixed. Here are 10 guidelines for how to make the bible more conservative:

1. Provide a strong framework to support translation without liberal bias.
2. Don't emasculate, don't use gender inclusion.
3. Don't dumb down -- some modern translations are at a 7th grade level (oh, yeah, the guy in the pew isn't going to read it).
4. Use conservative terms for words that have drifted in meaning (such as "peace").
5. Combat addition. They didn't "cast lots," they "gambled."
6. Emphasize the logic of Hell.
7. Express parables in their full free-market meaning.
8. Exclude liberal passages that were added later -- "Forgive them for they know not what they do."
9. Credit the open-mindedness of the disciples.
10. Use concise terms rather than liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio.

All that prompts an essay discussing the how difficult it is to get the bible from the original Hebrew and Greek (starting from which text to select) into modern English -- and then the perils in interpreting and understanding whatever you end up with.