We really don't know each other

Wendy Gritter of New Directions wants better communication between the Christian and gay communities. Timothy Kincaid, who grew up in a conservative religious home, takes her up on the offer. Some of the things he says:

Much of the battle between these two groups is due to ignorance. Christians don't know gays and, because they've been burned so many times, gays don't know Christians. We also don't trust each other (with good reason) and we assume the worst about the other.

Reaching out to anti-gay forces helps because many at least try to be truthful. Many also try not to hate gays, even try to love them. They just don't have a clue that their love comes across as hateful.

A big problem with many Christian groups is thy come across as arrogant and patronizing. A big problem with gays is our victimhood -- disagreements are seen as attacks. A big problem on both sides is they assume the other side has no diversity, the whole group is just like the loudest and ugliest members.

We need to know each other, keep communications open and not assume the worst.

We need to believe each other, such as when gays tell Christians we're not trying to shut down the church (or at least most of us aren't) and when Christians tell gays the motivation isn't hate.

We must tolerate each other. Christians can't insist on public policy to punish gays. Gays can't insist Christians change their theology.

We must call off the culture war. It benefits only those who profit from the conflict.

We must denounce the haters and liars. We can't let ourselves be defined by the extremists within our ranks. While the lying obviously comes from the Christian side, the gay side has its own share of vicious attacks and mockery.

We must commit to civility, even if we can't agree.

Alas, emotions run deep and the pain won't be healed quickly.