Safety of the Canadian Wall

There’s a Twitter thread with the tag #SecondCivilWarLetters. They are as if the writer is taking a brief moment out from war to write to family back home. The general tone matches a t-shirt I saw recently, “The Sarcasm is Strong in This One.” A few of my favorites:

Dearest,
I write to you from the safety of the Canadian Wall. It’s not nearly as fortified as I had imagined. It stands 3 feet high and is comprised mostly of science-based learning and kindness. They expect it to hold for years against the red hats.

The gay cake cannon has the red hats retreating in fear but food coloring at desperate levels. Send glitter.

Dearest wife,
Quick thinking saved my platoon today from the Red Hats as we erected a barrier out of Hillary’s e-mails, since they still can’t seem to get over them. War is Hell.

I have disguised myself as white privilege, and the Red Hats cannot bring themselves to acknowledge my existence.

Our foe confounds us. Though they claim to love both the Constitution and the Bible, they seem to have not read either. And don’t get me started on how they treat people actually named Jesus.