True Americans

According to the website Tikkun there was a meeting of the Native American National Council a week ago. The leadership considered a handful of proposals about what to do about the large illegal European population. After a long debate the Council offered a road to Native Citizenship to those without criminal records or contagious diseases. Applicants must write a heartfelt apology for their ancestors' crimes and pay a $5000 application fee. A group called True Americans claimed amnesty would only serve to reward lawbreakers.

“They all need to be deported back to Europe,” John Dakota from True Americans said. “They came here illegally and took a giant crap on our land. They brought disease and alcoholism, stole everything we have because they were too lazy to improve and develop their own countries.”